I realized that I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of my life.Kerry Washington
“Hello, welcome to Kindred”. Four words I hear myself say to every person who walks through the doors of the retail boutique that I work at. To truly and genuinely welcome them in. To see them as people not just as customers. People with hearts and lives and stories, and needs. To come alongside them and help them with their searches for the perfect outfit or that elusive gift for their loved ones.
But you see, they just think that they are walking into yet another gift boutique; they have no idea that they are stepping into sacred territory. They have no idea it is an opportunity for an encounter with Heaven; to be fully seen and truly loved by a woman on her own messy, imperfect but beautiful journey. But I do.
This time last year I had resigned from the charity that I had founded and run for over 13 years. I was also in active daily recovery for a neck injury from a car accident that I’d had the year before that. A persistent injury that still reminds me every day that I can no longer function at my old capacity, and that is okay.
I was also doing some intense and necessary inner healing work, that also continues to this day, for a broken heart connected to the second divorce in my young lifetime (I’m about to turn 46). I didn’t get married to get divorced and in doing the healing work my wounds and trauma were reminding me of that truth day in and day out too.
I needed to remind myself every day that I don’t have to be perfect; and I am still reminding myself of that new truth, every day.
My past is not my future. Indeed it is not.
I was hurting, wounded, betrayed, lonely and unsure of what the future plans for hope and good could possibly ever be for me. Life was messy, imperfect and yet deeply and profoundly beautiful as I let go of everything that I had ever known to be true and allowed the process of unravelling to go as deep as it could possibly go. And gosh, was it deep.
It has been the most intense wilderness season but some days I honestly still don’t want to have to leave. I am more connected to myself, my body, and my story than ever before. I am more connected to the Giver of life and the One who knows me best and still, miraculously, loves me the most. My circle is much smaller, and I am grateful for the ones who truly stuck. I have chosen to embrace the beautifully messy journey and because of that I won’t ever be the same again.
And, after almost twenty years in public ministry and travelling the globe to speak of and share about His transformational love, I am working retail and finding incredible redemption in the beauty and simplicity of it all.
In the midst of it all I am reminded that seasons change, purpose doesn’t. I am still walking out my calling and destiny to come alongside women and let them know that they are seen, known and loved; just in a very different way.
But it all started with a decision to try something new and uncomfortable. To make the choice to just show up and give it a try. My kids think it is hilarious that I am working retail, I don’t even like shopping. True. But I do love people.
Friend, remember the truth; most days we are all stumbling and scrambling through as we make the decision to just show up.
Give yourself permission to not have it all together and not know everything all of the time– to not be perfect at this thing called life and living.
Enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey: don’t be in a hurry towards the finish line.
Show up, let go, unbecome and have more fun.