What I Learned, When I Stopped Trying To Find My Spark 2

But you don’t have to scheme and steal and take, you don’t have to push, strive and fake it… peace will get you back on your feet. Ironically, peace will get you your fight back

~Liz Milani

‘The Practice Co.’ Vol. 2

“Ironically, peace will get you your fight back” — mull that over. And over. And over.

Peace.

What does peace look like for you?

What does peace feel life for you?

What does peace taste like for you?

What does peace need from you to exist?

For me, when I think about spark, I think about ‘how do you get your spark back when you feel like you have no idea what that is anymore?’

I have been there. In fact January 2019 I sat in a psych’s chair and said ‘will I ever feel normal again?’.

My central nervous system was still so keyed up, I wasn’t sleeping at night, and I felt like I had no capacity. I yearned to feel as though I had spark, drive, and stamina in my life. But honestly, none of those existed for me.

I devoted 2019, as I called it, ‘to grinding my life back to the core’. 

I did lots of things: books, retreats, podcasts, psych appointments, EMDR, prayer, yoga, meditation. I felt like I set myself a mission to ‘figure out why I felt so blah and direction-less’

Although I was trying desperately to outwit, out-think and out-smart this lull I felt, I just couldn’t seem to shake it. As the year progressed, and my commitment to understanding it continued, I realised I wasn’t at peace with a timeline that ‘felt like it was going on forever’ and I wasn’t showing myself enough compassion.

I think there is a place for the hustle and grind in our lives. The work hard, follow your dreams, get yourself organised.

But when that doesn’t work, where does one turn?

It feels a bit too simple to accept, for a season, a timeline that doesn’t feel controlled -and to- shower yourself, your wounds, your guilt, your shame in compassion.

But it’s hard.

It’s hard because so many of us who are yearning to find our spark, our muse, our direction — are eager, vivacious and capable people.

Sometimes it’s less about trying to figure it all out. And more about surrendering to the flow of restoration. An intentional alignment with coming home to your body, your mind, your spirit — as the way to finding your spark.

Mish xo