The greatest gift that 2021 gave me, was the gift of finally being able ‘to connect the dots’ and ‘rinse through’ many aspects of my life. 2021 was tumultuous for many people, and for myself at 37 I was finally diagnosed with ADHD.
What came was welcomed insight and medication (praise be!) which afforded both a watershed of relief and grief. What transpired was a newfound sense of space, capacity and understanding of myself whereby I felt I could finally be unapologetically aligned with my neurodiverse brain, my idiosyncrasies, and my talents.
But there was still something which felt thorny. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just felt irritated, I felt agitated, I felt trapped, I felt as though I was always seeking.
Contextually 2021 would have done that to most people. However, it felt deeper for me, something surfacing at a soul level.
I was mis-aligned.
The mis-alignment insight came on the heels of my diagnosis, but also my tenacious hunger as a woman ‘to come home to myself.’ I felt ferocious in 2021 in setting myself free in my own dreams and what felt like my own space to expand and figure out what fulfillment felt like. With very intentional work alongside a counsellor I had to understand what the mis-alignment was/is. These are some questions which I share with you, which have helped me:
- What is it that I need to verbalise when I feel rage?
- What is it that I need to say when I want to retreat?
- What does leisure mean to me?
- What are my values and how does my daily life uphold them?
- What makes me feel aligned?
- What makes me feel mis-aligned?
And the clincher: What does a ‘rich and meaningful life’ mean and look like to me?
I’m so aware that the end of the year / beginning of a new year is the season of resolutions. Mindfully, the resolution machine is often more about shaming ourselves due to a failure of conformity based upon an external marker of compliance or success. Most of what we lust after, pine for, or set ourselves up to try and complete is sparked by structures, people and/or institutions outside of ourselves.
So I ask you, instead, to be radical this year and cultivate a much deeper resolution to align your life to what feels authentically rich and meaningful.
This is perfection, Mish.
I love your questions. They resonate with me so much.
You are in a prime season of life and you’ve worked out stuff that many people never do. I love that you’re working on releasing your true self and aligning your values and aspirations with truth and vulnerability.
Thank you for sharing. 😘👏👏👏
That was wonderful to read Mish. You have blossomed and now you are moving into deeper waters. Thank God for the diagnosis and treatment of your ADHD. Other adults I know have had an adult diagnosis and everything has fallen in place about previous life situations that were difficult to reconcile.
Keep moving and embrace your beautiful self.
I have never heard of misalignment before and it was so apt for me.