To heal or to hurt? 10

to heal

I am in awe today. I have seen a level of strength, love, grace and forgiveness that is quite extraordinary….and very counter-cultural.

All week I have been pondering the thought, “To heal or to hurt?”

In each choice we make, we can bring healing or create more hurt.

In the words we use to our partner. In the way we discipline and teach our children. The decisions we make in our moments of stress.  Our manner when we respond to our boss, or our employee, even the crazy driver on the road. What we say to our child’s teacher, to our neighbour, to the back-stabbing mum at school, or the conniving, competitive colleague at work.

And then – in the time after the inevitable, not-so-good choices – will we say sorry and ask forgiveness, or will we lay blame and hold on to anger and bitterness? Will we also forgive ourselves and allow the healing process, or permit guilt and self-criticism to continue to drive the hurt deeper?

The cultural stories I hear are: you are justified in your anger, get revenge, you deserve it, don’t let them tell you what to do, they have no right, they don’t deserve it, how dare they…and on it goes.

The story I also tell myself at times is:  you failed again, you aren’t good enough, you’ll never measure up…

…but I have seen a different story.

A story that has all the lies, all the betrayal, all the deception, all the hurt – and yet I’ve seen a response that is full of strength and love and forgiveness. Where I expected to see angry outbursts, bitterness and contempt, I have seen graciousness. Yes, there is anger and deep hurt, but the love reaching out is so much more powerful. I thought it might seem weak and pathetic, but it is stronger than I ever understood.

My sense of justice wants to defend and protect (and I do believe there is a place for that when protecting the vulnerable).

I want to be angry. In fact I am angry. I want to blast and yell and question and get answers – now!

…but I have witnessed another way.

This other way started way back with a man called Jesus.

A way that beseeches us to desire healing not hurt, to seek reconciliation and understanding, to sometimes wait and always to pray.  Yes – to hold accountable. No – not to submit to more unnecessary hurt, but also to inflict none of your own.

A way that says: ‘You do not strive in this alone. I, God, will strengthen you and fill you with a love, peace and understanding that is beyond your comprehension. I love you and you too can love others’.

I have seen this played out – for real – just today. Jesus didn’t give us his words as nice ideas that perhaps we’d like to try sometime (or not). His words are full of power and strength – because He is full of power and strength – and it is His desire to fill and equip us, as we look desperately towards Him.

Choosing healing over hurt is not just a case of setting our mind to it. It doesn’t tend to come naturally. Sometimes it just seems way too tiring. And of course we won’t always get it right. But it is possible – so, so possible.

So my prayer today: I want to choose to seek a different way.  I want to put pride aside and ask for God’s strength, peace and understanding. I want to choose to heal rather than hurt.

Esther x

About Esther Murray

As a bit of an idealist, Esther often dreams of a world where kindness is the currency and where no one ever suffers from hunger or mistreatment. In the hopes of making some part of this dream a reality, Esther studied a Bachelor of Social Work. She quickly discovered that she probably wasn’t going to save the world but could simply strive to make a difference in her everyday. Much later, as the sea of nappies, toys, teething and tantrums threatened to engulf the dreams of a former life, Esther began to write. Making meaning of a childhood in the Himalayas, the craziness of motherhood and the state of the world was a much-welcomed creative outlet. Esther loves doing life alongside her husband Clive raising their three young daughters. In her down-time Esther can be found drinking tea (never coffee), tinkering on the piano or bass-guitar, practicing her Urdu, rummaging the op-shops, or attempting some kind of DIY.

10 thoughts on “To heal or to hurt?

    • Esther Murray Post author

      Thanks Elaine. Yes, it is such a good reminder in our everyday…and in the bigger things.

  • Cynthia Doole

    Very thoughtful words Esther! Choosing healing and forgiveness over bitterness and hurt is also so freeing and powerfully changing!

    • Esther Murray Post author

      Thanks Cynthia for taking time to send encouragement! Yes, you are so right. I think it seems so much easier to hang on to the bitterness, but the freedom in the release can be so life changing. x

  • Lucy

    Thank you Est for being willing to share your beautiful heart again. Oh if only all of us could choose to forgive… to be part of the healing rather than add more hurt in the respond rather than react. But oh so quickly the self rears its ugly head. We are so truly blessed to have the perfect and glorious example in Jesus…what a beautiful wonderful Man. Almighty God…and how WOW be able to walk with Him and have His help along the way in every way 🙂
    I look forward to your next writing 🙂

    • Esther Murray Post author

      Thanks again for your consistent encouragement Lucy. Yes, to know we are not alone in this ‘journey of life’ gives me a confidence and security I sure don’t have on my own! x

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