No Apologies: This is who I am 1

Do your thing. Do it unapologetically. Don’t be discouraged by criticism …  and no matter what, don’t ever stop doing your thing.

 Asher Roth

This Covid time has caused me to question a lot of things. I’ve questioned my writing, my lifestyle, my beliefs and values, my place in society–just about everything has been up for grabs. 

In these strange days, it’s okay to feel a little unsettled and perhaps even find yourself apologising for certain things.

It’s good to question, good to review, reflect, and even reject things that no longer serve you. However, underneath, there’s you. The you your soul is telling you are.  

I write and that means I need to take a lot of solitude. I need quiet. I need time to think and just be. Sometimes, I need time away from my usual setting to feel inspired. 

Often, I find myself apologising. 

‘Sorry, I’ve been so reclusive.’

‘Sorry, I need a few more hours each day to write.’

‘Sorry, I need to go away for a few days on my own to write and think.’

‘Sorry, I know I can be really chatty when I’m out, but really quiet when I’m home.’ 

We all struggle when there are things in our lives that we apologise for, give excuses for. Our internal conversation becomes a tense discussion between what we ‘need’ and what we ‘need to do’.  And sometimes, we need to do those things, but not at the expense of being the person we’re meant to be. 

We apologise and apologise and apologise. We excuse ourselves constantly. We try to make others happy and put ourselves last. We apologise for being too loud, too much, not enough. We are just plain sorry. 

Of course, we need to apologise when we’ve done something to hurt another person. Asking for forgiveness, repairing relationships, and dissolving hostility are essential, human relationship needs. These apologies aren’t what I’m talking about here. 

Jungian therapist, James Hollis suggested that major personal decisions should be made by asking, ‘Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?’

This question might help us as we struggle with feeling apologetic for being ourselves and for doing what we love. 

Personal integrity and building of self requires that at times, we hold our ground. There’s no need for tantrums or tears. With a quiet strength and assurance we can say, ‘this is who I am and this is what I do’.

Often, we ask ourselves, What will that person think? Am I being selfish?  Asking, ‘Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?’ elicits deeper, more intuitive answers.

Sometimes, you just ‘know’ what you should do. Sometimes, you know you have to be unapologetic and propel yourself forward into who you are and what you’re meant to be doing.

So don’t apologise for who you are and the choices you need to make in order to enlarge your life, to live your purpose, and ultimately, to even make yourself happy. 

Perhaps we need to step into our calling and let go of our excuses.  Perhaps we need to stop saying sorry and excusing ourselves. Perhaps we need to embrace the idea that we’re not sorry to be the person we’re created to be. We’re created to bring something unique to the world and that’s not something to be sorry about. 

Perhaps we need to add a new phrase to our life script: No apologies. This is who I am and this is what I do.


What are you apologising for right now that you shouldn’t be?

What choices are going to enlarge your life or diminish it?

About Elaine Fraser

Elaine realised she wanted to be a writer at ten years of age when the words flew off the page during a creative writing lesson. She studied English and Education at university and went on to spend many years as a high school English teacher teaching others how to write. In 2005, Elaine took the plunge and began writing full-time. Since then she has published five books and blogs at Elaine’s passion is to write about real issues with a spiritual edge. When she’s not travelling the world in search of quirky bookstores or attending writing retreats in exotic locations, she can be found in the Perth hills sitting in her library—writing, reading, mentoring writers and hugging her golden retriever.

One thought on “No Apologies: This is who I am

  • Helen

    How beautifully written, Elaine. Thank you, these words are exactly what I needed to read today. Blessings, Helen

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