Not the Sum of Me 2

Recently I wrote an silouette elaineemail of apology to a friend. I apologised for my negativity – the type of negativity that ‘paralyses’ me into in-action and leaves me feeling a little sorry for myself.

As I wrote, I realised that I was apologising for ‘being a negative person’. I was allowing the negativity to consume my being; I was allowing it to own me.

So I changed my wording. I wrote instead, “Although I know it is just a part of me, it is not a part of me that I relish and it is not a part of me that moves forward and grabs opportunities.”

I am so grateful that my mistakes and failures in life are not the sum of me.

They are only one part of who I am and what I do. If I allow them to, I can learn from them and let them shape me, guide me, and grow me, but they do not define me.

As a mother of young children, I often find myself somewhat sleep deprived. As I go about attending to the needs of the day, feeling tired and cranky, I have to remind myself that thankfully this isn’t the end of sleep for me.

Our whole ‘sleep career’ is not defined by one disturbed night or even five. There is always time for more sleep. There is ‘catch-up’ sleep – an extra early night to compensate or an afternoon nap (if one is really lucky) and hopefully a full night sleep tomorrow. Over time the sleep reserves build up again and the energy levels increase.

In the same way our ‘whole person’ is not defined by one failure or even five. We can make amends, we can ask for forgiveness, we can try again, and we can move forward.

Thankfully, we can always start afresh.

Esther Murray

photo: Elaine Faith – Creative Commons


About Esther Murray

As a bit of an idealist, Esther often dreams of a world where kindness is the currency and where no one ever suffers from hunger or mistreatment. In the hopes of making some part of this dream a reality, Esther studied a Bachelor of Social Work. She quickly discovered that she probably wasn’t going to save the world but could simply strive to make a difference in her everyday. Much later, as the sea of nappies, toys, teething and tantrums threatened to engulf the dreams of a former life, Esther began to write. Making meaning of a childhood in the Himalayas, the craziness of motherhood and the state of the world was a much-welcomed creative outlet. Esther loves doing life alongside her husband Clive raising their three young daughters. In her down-time Esther can be found drinking tea (never coffee), tinkering on the piano or bass-guitar, practicing her Urdu, rummaging the op-shops, or attempting some kind of DIY.

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