We were sitting at the local coffee shop after Ainslie’s Drama class. She acted out the different things they had done in class when she started twirling around on the grass. Her blond, wavy, wild hair free in the wind. Her dress twirling with the breeze.
She then kept reciting “my freedom is my energy” over and over as she twirled in the morning sun.
My freedom is my energy….
It wasn’t lost on me that once again my six year old daughter was teaching my a lesson I so often neglect to grasp. I spent the day before speaking with a friend, talking about the struggles of wanting more out of life. She and I commiserated over shared sentiments of feeling as though we were shackled (at times) due to finances, motherhood, and life pressures. A burning desire to advance one’s career, but not having the means or capacity to do so. The craving for more stimulation as a women, and far less pressure to juggle the demands of working, mothering, and maintaining a marriage. Not to mention the constant, relentless stream of laundry.
As we spoke and curiously pondered the root cause of the anxiety, anger, frustration, and resentment we were feeling, it became clear that it was grief.
As women, I’m not entirely sure if we are given the freedom to openly grieve a season in our lives when ‘we have nothing to complain about’. Even when things are tough, we placate too much. We hurl phrases like “things happen for a reason” or “this too shall pass” or “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” This is really about our inability to say that it is hard, it is ok to be both grateful and yearning. And, more importantly, why don’t we give ourselves space to grieve?
It’s ok to grieve and be grateful. It’s ok to be angry and sad. It’s ok to be anxious and frustrated. What’s not ok, is suppressing our emotional freedom. As women, we are often taught how to placate and gaslight our own emotional landscape to navigate a conditioned pleasantry of togetherness, kindness, sacrifice, and humility.
We often let deep emotional needs go unearthed because we are too afraid to vocalise, or even acknowledge what they are. This suppressed festering zapps our energy to stay present in our bodies and our lives.
It is about being free in the exploration of your needs. It is about being free in the curiosity of the core emotion / issue / desire / need. It is about granting yourself permission to find people to honestly process, in a safe space, whatever it is, which feels like an energy vacuum in your life.
I sat with my coffee, watching my daughter twirl. A constant example of the importance of being present and free in my emotions. To be wildly myself. To be unapologetic with joy. But most importantly, to not let the fear of being authentic with your deep needs fester like a wound.