I want to get better at looking up. Looking for help. Waiting for advice and guidance and peace. Because my default is to try and sort life out. Every part of it.
I think it’s a human aversion to living in the in-between – in the shadows – and a desire to avoid suffering.
I remember significant health concerns when pregnant with one of my sons. Tests needed to be completed over an extended time period and we were told it would take weeks for the results to be returned. But, during that time, I wanted answers. I wanted affirmation. I want assurance.
And right up to the end, none were forthcoming and all I could do was look up.
I was required to either make friends with the waiting or endure a punishment that would leave me wretched.
And through this experience – and many more – I continue to learn and understand the importance of practicing my conviction that faith and hope are often cultivated in the in-between. When we agree to look up and wait.