You have been given two faces, unfortunately. One is affirming and it liberates me into a warm and joyful way of experiencing my life. The other is destructive and it hinders me, dragging me into cold and cloudy places of despair.
I am not trying shame you, you are what you are. You are, Enough. Actually, I want to apologise for the way I have missed you.
There have been many times, Enough, that I have believed that you were beyond my reach. That you somehow made yourself more available elsewhere and that I was missing out. Such a lie.
I made a mistake. I coupled you, Enough, with the word ‘not’ and because of that I created a side to you that chipped away at my world. Especially when I applied you to my personal life. Not healthy enough, not kind enough, not fit enough, just not motivated enough. Not social enough, not talkative enough, still not forgiving enough. I have often mistreated you and I inevitably caused myself to feel insecure and unimportant. Yet, every time, I would try to blame you by describing you as not, Enough.
I am sorry.
You are more than that.
I believe that you have good intentions and I know there is a brighter side to you, Enough. Aside to you, that can stand alone and be exactly as you are.
I want to sever the ties I have set between you, Enough, and the word ‘not’ and in doing so not only do I hope to liberate you but I hope to release myself from the unnecessary incarceration in which I corner myself by trusting devious lies about you.
I want to experience you as you truly are.
You simply are, Enough.
Instead of telling myself and sharing with others how you, Enough, are not in my life in the various ways I decide, I will begin to voice what is in my life. I have seen that when I declare truths about myself, gently you appear in all your brilliance, Enough. And I am at peace.
I begin here;
“I am full of sparkle and compassion. I genuinely want to make the world a better place. I love hard. I practice kindness. I’m not afraid of the truth. I am loyal, adventurous, supportive, and surprising. I am a woman. I am enough. I make mistakes, but I own them and I learn from them. Sometimes I make a lot of mistakes.”
And suddenly you know, I am feeling tall and my spirit rises. I will practice this because you are not absent in my life, Enough, you appear amongst the affirmation of truth.
I will commit to being conscious of the face I give you, Enough. Careful not to corrupt you with debilitating connections to other words.
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose.”
-Proverbs 18:20 MSG
So well and meaningfully written – thanks
This so good!!
I love this Jo, ‘not’ is so often tied to ‘enough’ in my self-talk too. Such a good reminder that these two words don’t have to be together.