Crying Over Green Tea 1

Grief and tears didn’t wash me away. They gave me my life back! They cleansed me, baptized me, hydrated the earth at my feet.

~Anne Lamott

All I wanted was a pipping hot cup of green tea.

I ordered my green tea and a baby cino for my daughter. I drove around town letting the hot water cool down to a more drinkable temperature.

I opened the lid to take the teabag out and there it was … milky green tea. I DID NOT WANT MILK IN MY GREEN TEA! WHY IS THERE MILK IN MY GREEN TEA? WHO PUTS MILK IN THEIR GREEN TEA?

I.just.wanted.green.tea.no.milk…ugh!

I sat in the car, and could feel the well of tears coming. The emotional burden that we are all carrying right now, and I felt like I was snapping over milk in my green tea.

It had nothing to do with the green tea. It had everything to do with the unknown which is swirling around me/us during the COVID-19 pandemic. For me, it feels like a ‘daily moving target’ I process every single level in my body and mind.

It is really normal to feel overwhelmed in these sort of times, because our brains, our bodies, our souls are trying to figure out how to compartamentalise it all. To feel emotionally tired. To feel an onslaught of emotions in one day. It is normal to feel as though days don’t feel awesome, whilst others feel energetic.

I dare say, that right now, it feels normal at times to cry over milk in a green tea.

I do want to say also, that it may feel as though it’s more than you, or someone you know, can cope with.

Be that addiction, disordered eating or mood states being triggered beyond our own personal capacity to manage.
Or perhaps yourself or someone you love is finding themselves in an unsafe domestic living situation.
The financial pressures of losing work and trying to stay afloat daily has become an overwhelming reality.

I want you to know that I acknowledge this reality for you and I want you to know it is OK to reach out to seek help.

In 2016 I sat in a doctor’s office and begged for a referral to a Clinical Psychologist to deal with an out of control Binge Eating Disorder (BED). I had been to therapy in different capacities throughout my life, but that appointment felt dire. I remember sitting in my car with the referral letter crying with the most profound sense of relief I had felt in 2 years of trying to hold it all in.

It is OK to seek help. It is OK to receive help from others who are offering it. It is OK to ‘wave the white flag’ when it feels like too much.

Therapy has been one of the most life-saving things I have done. It has helped me to see my own trauma, perception, coping strategies and reactions to stress in new ways. It’s empowered me to honor my emotions, offer forgiveness, set healthy boundaries and continue to heal.

It took me saying, ‘I’m not ok anymore, and I need help’.

I sat in my car, with my milky green tea — took a huge deep breath and said to myself ‘what you really need is to acknowledge that it’s a lot right now and it’s ok that you’re feeling this way.’

Mish xo

If you are feeling like you need more support, please access this amazing resource of Mental Health Crisis lines and support organisations for all ages and needs. Link is here.