6 tips to help you let go

Kin Women MAY 2018 Blog Images (17)

“An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city”


We can all feel the weight of expectation. It can come from low self-worth or perfectionism. Being new to a situation or familiarity. Competency or inexperience.

But wherever it comes from, we need to work out how to handle it as it is the number one cause of disappointment – unmet expectations.

Here are a few tips that may help you navigate this minefield. But at its core, remember to remain kind. To yourself and to others.

Acts of grace allow expectations to be set aside and freedom to take its place.

What can we do to live outside of unrealistic expectations?


  1. Clarity – have honest, even robust conversations, to get clear understanding.
  2. Believe the best – all conversations struggle when we carry in agendas and assertions about the other person.
  3. Friendship – cultivate honest and vulnerable friendships with the ‘right’ people.
  4. Say ‘no’ to offence – decide I am not going to be offended. Allow a second to third thought on this tip. The phrase is, ‘to take offence’, but we can refuse it. Say ‘no’. It only leads to bitterness, unforgiveness, and ultimately debilitates our lives.
  5. Boundaries – set boundaries that are designed to let others in not keep everyone out and only set them after each of the above steps has been followed through.
  6. Personal responsibility – acknowledge and work on our own vulnerabilities around being exploited, let down or dismissed. We often find we can discover our own freedom!


About Kelley

Kelley is a speaker, author, overseas aid worker and perpetual student. She is passionate about women and gender issues, both in the local and international context, which underpins her enthusiasm for kinwomen and its contribution to women ‘living their finest life’. In 2014 Kelley completed a Masters in International and Community Development before establishing The Foxglove Project. Foxglove is a registered charity focused on supporting international development projects that are sustainable and driven by indigenous leadership. Kelley’s paid work requires her to travel extensively to evaluate and support projects supported by Australian funds. This experience and networking enables Foxglove to partner with outstanding overseas agencies delivering real opportunities for the poor and vulnerable to lead independent self-determined lives. Kelley combines these passions with a love of family and faith. Across more than 30 years of marriage, Kelley and her husband have worked through many of the challenges of building a relationship while raising three sons. Their boys have now finished high school changing the dynamics of family life and relationships. One of her great joys is sharing parenting lessons and learning from good and bad (sometimes disastrous) experiences. She uses humour and common sense to talk about the everyday challenges facing parents in today’s context.