say nothing often

say nothingIn my humble 36 years on this earth, I have sometimes done friendship well but often have failed miserably.

I try desperately to be a good friend, to keep up expectations, to call often, to encourage, to love without measure… but the area that I stumble often is when I think it is my mission or right to try and change my friends.

I have come to realise that some friends are destined for our paths for a moment, others for specific seasons and a very small handful for a lifetime.

What I need to learn despite this reality, is to listen more and say less.

I have worked out that women mostly fall into two categories;

Those who speak too much and those who need to gain courage and speak more. (You will know immediately which category you fall into.)

With regret I need to confess I am of the ‘too much’ persuasion.

I’m not sure what gets a hold of me, but when my friends start to tell me their challenges, their hurts, their failures, I start to channel a mix between Dr Phil, Oprah and the bible.

I am not proud to admit this, but I am slowly learning, that mostly what our friends need, is a listening ear and occasionally a discerning heart. (to continue reading click link below)

I want to listen more and gossip less.

I want to hear my friends hurts not manipulate them into self help counselling session.

I want to be a friend who is present not forming my opinion of judgement on the current situation.

When a friend specifically asks ‘What do you think?’ or ‘What should I do?’ that is a different scenario. This is few and far between though.

In all other circumstances I want to be known as a wise woman, who chooses her words very carefully, as if each word costs something.

Rather than frivolously spending my days worth of words… that I would be selecting, loving and speaking words of life with wisdom.

I’m sure there is no one else out there that struggles with saying too much, but for me in this season I am learning quickly that I need to listen more, speak less and love the person I am with even if they are doing things that may seem a little unlovable.

How about you?

Comment below with your thoughts on friendship…

Amanda and Jen
Amanda Viviers

About Amanda

Amanda Viviers has published ten books and is a presenter on radio across New Zealand and Australia. She is also the co-founder of Kinwomen; a network created to inspire women to start conversations that matter. Head of Narrative for Compassion Australia, she is driven by a passion for social justice, she loves supporting projects for women in developing countries. Teaching women to live creative lives, beyond the circumstances, is something she pursues daily. Wife of Charl and Mum of Maximus and Liberty, she lives a creative life, longing to see people live inspired. Pinterest/ Twitter/ @Mandaviviers Instagram: @amandaviviers Facebook: @amandaviviersperth