You won’t define me 3

IMG_6300I was recently talking with an elderly Aboriginal woman about intergenerational trauma.

My friend was taken from her parents and grew up on a mission.

One day her son came home from University enraged; he had learnt about the stolen generation. He was furious and ready to take on her fight.  She stopped him, looked at him and said ‘my fight is not your fight; my trauma is not your trauma. It is mine, not yours’. 

She said to me, ‘Karina, that was a part of my life but it does not define my life and I will not let my kids carry that’.


Often hurt and unforgiveness can define us without us even knowing it. What is more heartbreaking is that despite our best intentions, when we don’t deal with unforgiveness we can pass that on to our children.


The words we say. The attitudes we hold. The behaviour we act out.

With the hope to start our own family sometime soon my husband and I decided to do life-coaching sessions.

We wanted to make sure that we wouldn’t take the hurt that we both experienced in our childhoods into our family.  We are committed to not letting that define us, nor our children.

If I’m honest, there were people I had to call, uncomfortable conversations that had to be had. It wasn’t about getting an apology it was about acknowledging and letting go.

I decided that I am more committed to my future than I am to my past.

Are there any uncomfortable conversations that you’ve been putting off?

Your future will thank you


About Karina Chicote

Karina Chicote is a strategic leader for an international child’s rights organisation and writer and presenter on radio for Kin Women. She has a Master’s Degree in Human Rights and has designed and led award-winning programs for Aboriginal children and young people. Karina has worked across the globe on campaigns in London, asylum seeker centres in Papua New Guinea, the UN General Assembly in New York and now leads strategic projects across Western Australia. Karina was a finalist for the WA Youth Work Awards in 2015 and 2016, recognising her leadership and commitment to creating change for the most vulnerable young people in our communities. Above all Karina is a wife to Lance and lover of their Pug Brixton, who amidst the seriousness of changing the world make her laugh, a lot.

3 thoughts on “You won’t define me

  • Jodie

    Love this post Karina, and so true as a parent that you need to be careful not to let your problems and hurts define your children. Such a good reminder that addressing those things does not just happen, you have to act. Thanks

  • Kaela

    “I’m more committed to my future than to my past” More gold nuggets! Thanks for sharing 🙂 Baby Chicote is one lucky kid!

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