Who I am and Who I am not 1

At my best, I am a reformer.I have a sense of mission to improve the world.

I’m fun, spontaneous, optimistic. This is who I am.

At my worst, when I’m stressed or feeling threatened, my personality type lends itself to being over-responsible, fiercely independent (sorry husb) and so in control I become emotionless.

Yep…this is the ugly truth of some of the things I can become.

But these things are not who I am.

Somewhere along this road we call life I, like you, experienced the brokeness of the world and decided that the me I was wouldn’t cut it.


{Hey there chunky cheeks}

This was my road…

When I was 6 I ran across the road excited to see my Dad home from work, not realising my little brother was following behind me. That was the day my Dad first yelled at me. His disappointment crushed me.

And introducing ‘over responsible’ me.

At 8 I vividly remember standing at the police station between my Mum and my Dad, both knelt down on one knee asking me to choose between them. That’s how my 8 year old mind perceived it anyway.

And welcome ‘fiercely independent’ me, not the good type, the ‘I don’t need you’ type.

At 12 I was living in a domestic violence refuge. I’m not sure what went wrong but one day I found myself with my sisters head locked in my arms shoving her in to the wall…yep that happened!

That’s the day I scared myself in to being ‘always in control and emotionless’ me.

when I’m at my worst, ‘over-responsible, I don’t need anyone, always in control me’ is who I can become.

BUT – the more vulnerable I am, the more I own the story of my past and recognise the mechanical reactions of my personality, the less identified with that ‘me’ I become and the more freedom I have.

SO I choose to not identify with these things, I choose to identify with me.



Not over-responsible, just committed to improving the world me.

Not painfully independent, but doing life with people I love me.

Not always in control, but open and soft hearted me.

And because I know who I am and who I am not, I can be kind to you – because I choose to see who you are and who you are not.

Here’s to spending less time hanging out with who we are not and more time hanging with who we are.


About Karina Chicote

Karina Chicote is a strategic leader for an international child’s rights organisation and writer and presenter on radio for Kin Women. She has a Master’s Degree in Human Rights and has designed and led award-winning programs for Aboriginal children and young people. Karina has worked across the globe on campaigns in London, asylum seeker centres in Papua New Guinea, the UN General Assembly in New York and now leads strategic projects across Western Australia. Karina was a finalist for the WA Youth Work Awards in 2015 and 2016, recognising her leadership and commitment to creating change for the most vulnerable young people in our communities. Above all Karina is a wife to Lance and lover of their Pug Brixton, who amidst the seriousness of changing the world make her laugh, a lot.

One thought on “Who I am and Who I am not

  • Jodie McCarthy

    So good Karina, it’s so true that we bring things with us from our childhood.

    I love the sentence “mechanical reactions of my personality” – thanks for reminding me to examine these once and see if I really want to identify with them.

Comments are closed.